The Elric Diaries
by iFlygon
Summary: When Colonel Mustang finds Edward's secret diary, he discovers some VERY interesting secrets about the young alchemist...
1. Finding the Diary

**I said this fic would come out within 24 hours, didn't I? It may be the very end of the 24 hours, but I still have time. So here you have it, the prologue of my newest crack fic.**

**The Elric Diaries: Prologue**

"Still no lead on how to make a Stone?" Mustang asked.

"No..." Edward replied through gritted teeth as he took of his coat and put it on a chair.

"Ok, you're free to go. Come back at eight, kid."

"See you later, Mustang," Edward said, and he walked out the door.

"_Colonel_ Mustang!" Roy yelled back.

"Colonel Mustang," Edward mimicked in a high-pitched voice.

Roy sighed, and got up. He looked down, and saw something out of the corner of his eye. In Edward's coat pocket was a small book.

Mustang took it out, and expected to see alchemic notes. But that's not what he saw.

**My Diary**.

It was Edward's diary. He quickly locked the door and looked over the book, then read a couple of pages.

"Hehehehe..." he grinned evilly, and made a phone call.

"Hughes? I need Sheska, now. Have her bring a notebook," Mustang said.

"Ok then. Oh, and do you want to hear about what Elicia did today! She-" Hughes began to say, but Mustang hung up.

In a few minutes, Sheska came to Mustang's office. He handed her the diary, and told her to make a copy of it.

Three to four hours later, she came back, and handed Mustang the notebook, which now had everything that was in the diary written in it.

As she handed over the notebook and original diary, her face was red, and she was struggling not to burst out laughing.

"Good. Very good," Roy said with a grin, "You may go now."

Sheska left, barely able to speak.

Mustang put the diary back into Edward's coat, and opened the copy.

"We're going to have a lot of fun with this..."


	2. July 27

_Tuesday, July 27_

_Dear Diary,_

_My new shoes finally came in the mail! They're very special, because they make me seem 1 inch higher that I really am. This way, Al will stop pestering me to drink milk, because when he does my monthly height check, I'll seem like I've grown. Take that, Mustang! He'll think that I grew taller, but I'll just be wearing my fancy shoes. Hahaha, stupid Colonel! _

_However, today wasn't perfect. For once I tried to fix my automail. And not just adjust bolts and oil it. I mean really take off the arm, and reattach it all by myself. Although, I think I connected the nerves wrong, because when I make a fist, I slap myself in the face. My face is burning terribly, and it won't be long until I turn my arm into a blade and slash my face open._

_Note – Call Winry now. If I try to fix it again, I'll probably poke my eye whenever I clap my hands._

- Later that day -

"You seem taller, Ed," Mustang said later that day, when Edward came back for his coat.

"Um, thanks," Edwards replied with a grin.

As Edward walked out of the room, Mustang quietly said, "Nice shoes."


	3. July 28

_Wednesday, July 28_

_Dear Diary,_

_I don't think I ever elaborated why I use you. I'm writing in you to hide my secrets from Al. I used to tell him my secrets, but when he found out I like Winry, he told everyone. After that, I denied it, and stopped telling him my secrets...he must never know. Especially about my new shoes, which appear to be working._

_Also, Mustang almost found my stash today! My hidden box of sugar. If he he had found it, I would become unable to get hyper, and when I'm not jittery, I can't work right. But as long as I have my sweet, sweet sugar, I'll be fine. Just between you and me, diary, I hid it under the floor tile in the top-right corner of my room. If he finds it...I'll be ruined..._

- Later that day -

Edward furiously walked into Mustang's room, and looked at his subordinates. Havoc's eyes were twitching, and Breda and Fuery were running around in circles around Falman, who had crashed from his sugar rush. Hawkeye sat at her desk, pretending that this wasn't happening.

Ed ran into Roy's office, and glared at him. Mustang was smiling at Edward, and in front of him was a large sack full of sugar.

"My stash!" Edward screamed.


	4. July 31

_Saturday, July 31_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today Fuery was talking to me about an invention he plans to build. It will allow a person to create "telepathic vision", or as he likes to call it, "Television". Ha, television. Like that'll ever catch on. He also has plans for some other stuff, like a "microwave", a "computer", and an "atomic bomb". But they're all stupid. How would a microwave work? The way he describes it, a light shoots "micro-waves" into food, instantly heating it up. How stupid is that, right? _

_Also, I think Al knows that I tried to fix my automail a few days ago. This morning, when I asked Al to give me a mug into which I could pour coffee, he threw it to me! And when I tried to catch it, I slapped myself in the face and the mug fell on the ground. Later that day, when we were testing some chemicals properties, he threw me a vial of acid, which fell on the ground as I slapped myself. Who throws acid! I need Winry to get here _now_!_

-Later that day-

"Who wants some hot chocolate?" Breda said as he walked into Mustang's office.

Edward asked, "You just left a few minutes ago? How is this so hot?"

"I used Fuery's microwave machine," Breda said, and he picked up a mug, "Here, catch."

"Wow, it actually works-" Edward began, and then did an elaborate maneuver to catch the mug with his human hand. He failed at catching it, and it scalded his arm.

"Oh, that's not good. Why didn't you catch it with your automail arm?" Breda said, and he took another mug, "Catch this one!"


	5. August 4

**I know I usually don't put author's notes in "The Elric Diaries", but I want to put one here today. I know that recently my updating has been pretty erratic. In "The Many Forms of Envy" I said I'd put up another "Eastern Rebels"...yesterday. I'll attempt to update more often, at least until school starts.**

_Wednesday, August 4_

_Dear Diary,_

_Winry finally came to fix my automail! When she found out that I tried to fix it, she seemed kind of happy. Of course, once I told her that I keep hitting myself, she hit me with a wrench, and probably damaged my skull. I'll never get tired of that (sarcasm)._

_Also, Havoc has been giving me some private lessons in the use of guns. I don't think it's legal for me to learn it, so I obviously didn't ask Hawkeye. Havoc, though...he doesn't mind. Although I have been having a bit of trouble firing. Since my automail hand is so strong, I can't pull the trigger, or I'll only be able to fire once. I also can't fire with my left hand and hold it with my right, because I crush the magazine, so I can't reload. I just hope Hawkeye doesn't find out about this, since Havoc made me train with her guns, which we threw into the sewers after I broke them..._

-Later that day-

Edward walked into Mustang's office just in time to see Hawkeye slapping Havoc.

"You taught him how to use a gun! You idiot!" she screamed.

Edward slowly started to close the door and step out, when Hawkeye looked at him.

"You..." she said quietly as she pointed a pistol with a crushed magazine at Edward.


	6. August 12

_Thursday, August 12_

_Dear Diary,_

_I know I haven't written in you for a while, but I've been busy making my deck. You may be wondering what I'm talking about. Falman created a card game last week, which he calls "Yu-Gi-Oh". It's based off of monsters and stuff, and a game is also called a duel. I've been preparing for a duel with Mustang, and we made a bet that the loser has to give his deck to the winner. Well, I beat Mustang! Haha! Although…I actually cheated! Stupid Mustang. My deck is horrible, but I put good cards up my sleeves, and when he wasn't looking, I'd put them on top of my deck. He was so angry that he set my deck on fire. But I don't care. All my good cards were up my sleeves…_

_-Later that day-_

"Hey, Fullmetal," Mustang said, "I challenge you to another duel! Ever since you beat me a few months ago, I've been preparing."

"It's on, Mustang." Edward said with a grin.

A few hours later Mustang and Edward started the game. But before they began, Mustang raised the temperature in the room to 107 degrees Fahrenheit. He unbuttoned his uniform and asked Edward if he wanted to take of his jacket.

"No…I- I'm fine," he said as he began to turn bright red.

About 15 minutes into the game, Edward was gasping for breath, but he wouldn't take off his jacket. Eventually he fainted. Mustang got up, lowered the temperature, and want over to Edward. He picked up Edward's right arm, and over 20 cards spilled out of his sleeve.

"Thanks for the cards, shrimp," Mustang said as he picked them up and left.

**I'm really sorry for not updating for so long, guys. My laptop broke, and now I have to type this on my old computer, which is _really_ slow. My laptop should be fixed by the end of the week, and I'll be back to normally updating within five days. Also, I would like to thank Royedfan101 for pointing out that Mustang seems to be getting the diary entries as Edward writes them. I'll try to fix this. More of the "Later that day" entries will take place a few months after the entry itself is written, instead of the same day. It'll still be "Later that day", since it's later in the day, after the entry is read, not written. If you're hopelessly confused now...too bad. I might update "Many Forms of Envy" this week, but I'd rather use my laptop. Bye, guys!**


	7. August 15

_Sunday, August 15_

_Dear Diary,_

_Last night, Mustang came home drunk. As a punishment, I decided to take his gloves and have some fun. I ended up...burning some stuff...I'll mention it later...and before he could even wake up, I had put them back. The fool. That's why I don't drink. Actually, it's because I'm too young. If I was old enough, I probably would drink...yeah..._

_Also, since we're not currently searching for the Stone, Winry replaced my automail with a simpler design, so I can do maintenance. The nerve ending always go in properly, so I don't slap myself. However, it comes off easier (so does my leg) so I can only use it around Central City. She said that if I have to go anywhere, I should call her, or just visit Resembool. I asked her why she can't just let a Central mechanic do the replacement. She was not amused, so she hit me with a wrench, calling the city mechanics "Idiots who just want money, and don't know anything about automail." I could have taken spare automail on the train, but I don't want to risk getting hit. _

-Later that day-

Edward was taking a nap outside Mustang's room out of boredom, when Roy and Fuery walked up to him quietly.

Fuery handed Mustang a wrench and screwdriver, as he began to take off Ed's automail.

"I almost got court marshalled after you set that car on fire, even if it was an accident," he mumbled, "You take my weapons, I take yours."

Ed woke up, and started to stand up, when he fell to the ground. He looked around and saw Mustang standing in front of a filing cabinet, on top of which was his automail. Mustang grinned, but he quickly stopped smiling when he saw the look on Edward's face. In his eyes was a look of such pure malice, that Mustang took the automail and put it on the floor, before running into his room in fear of the young alchemist.


End file.
